Relationship Coaching for Couples and Families

This exercise is for those who are interested in developing better relationships with their partners, children or family.

Everyone we see in the world reflects different parts of ourselves. The traits we see most clearly in others are the ones that are strongest in ourselves. This is called the mirror of relationship and is a powerful tool for emotional freedom.

When we have a strong negative reaction to someone, we see that this person reflects traits that we also possess but have been unwilling to acknowledge or embrace. We might spend so much time denying that we have a dark side that we end up projecting these denied qualities onto other people. For the same reason, we are attracted to certain people because they have the same traits that we have, positive or negative. This exercise will help you embrace the coexistence of opposites within yourself.

To build a better relationship with others, we must first build a better relationship with ourselves. When we are happy and at peace with ourselves, it will reflect in our relationships. If we are not happy with ourselves or any part of our life, that also will be reflected in our relationships.

If we want to understand more about our relationships, we then have to look at our emotions. How often do we tell our partner or others how we really feel about something? Do we hold it in and hope it just goes away in fear of creating a confrontation? Do we look at the truth and address what’s really going on or do we just burst into an emotional ball of confusion and stay stuck in the past?

The following relationship skills and main causes of troubled relationships are examples of topics you can use when coaching your client…

Relationship Skills:

  1. Heartfelt understanding – when you really listen to what your partner needs and understanding why they need it.
  2. Giving your partner what they really need – once we know what our partner needs, we can begin to offer it to them to the best of our abilities.
  3. Creating and building trust and respect.
  4. Reigniting playfulness, presence, and passion.
  5. Harnessing courage and embracing honesty.
  6. Uncovering and creating alignment.
  7. Live consciously- lead by example by being present in everyday life.

The main causes of troubled relationships:

  1. Lack of communication
  2. Money issues
  3. Disagreements regarding children
  4. Distrust/Jealousy

Do you spend quality time with your partner? Do you spend quality time with your children? What does quality time mean to you?

Love is the most effective way to build a better relationship with your children. How often do you express love, appreciation, and gratitude for them?

Parents are role models for their children. Be who you want your children to be. You can tell them how you want them to be, but they will learn the most from your actions.

Coaching Exercises for Couples:

Blind Date – This exercise helps build trust in a relationship. Each person takes turns being blindfolded and their partner walks them around in a park. After each person has had a turn, sit down as a group and discuss what each person felt.

Date Night – Choose one night per week to spend quality time together. Stick to it!

Put yourself in their shoes – Ask your partner to share with you all of their concerns, feelings, struggles, weaknesses, strengths, needs, expectations, responsibilities, fears and dreams. Your part is to be completely silent and take notes as they speak. Then it’s your turn.

More or Less  – Discover what you would like more of and what you would like less of in the relationship. The More or Less tool is also great to use with your children.

Look for the Good – Each of you will sit down and write down everything that you love about each other.

Preparation: Have a pen and paper or your journal ready for this exercise.

One Minute Meditation: Take a moment to relax, take a few deep breaths and center yourself.

Begin the Session: Answer each question. Take your time and be as honest with yourself as possible.

Step One: Think about someone you find attractive. On the left side of a piece of paper, list ten or more qualities that you love about that person. Write quickly. The secret is to not give your conscious mind time to edit your thoughts. You can put down as many qualities as you wish, but don’t stop until you have at least ten.

Step Two: Now focus on somebody who totally irritates you, annoys you or makes you uncomfortable in some way. Why does this person infuriate you so much? On the right side of the paper, list ten or more of their undesirable qualities.

Step Three: Look at your list for the person you find attractive and circle the three qualities that you find most appealing about him or her. Then look at the list on the right side of the paper and circle the three qualities you find most repulsive. Now read the six words you circled out loud. You are all of these qualities. Once you see yourself in others, you will find it much easier to connect with them and maintain emotional well being.

Focus the session:

If you had to choose to work on one relationship right now, who would it be with?

What kind of relationship would you like to have with this person?

Why do you want this type of relationship?

What would it look like if you already had that relationship?

What might be stopping you from having it now?

What could you do differently?

Are you willing to commit to that?

When will you begin?

Continue asking yourself these kinds of questions, continuing to answer from a totally honest and centered place.

Create an action plan: What action are you willing to take? Write it down.

When using this exercise with your client: Ask your client what action they are willing to take to create better agreements in their lives. Write it down.

Close the Session: Thank your client. Acknowledge them for being so open and willing to look at these areas of their life with you. Use the 1-10 scale. Schedule a follow-up session.