Relationship Coaching for Developing Communication and Listening Skills

This exercise looks at the basic laws of relationships, communication, and listening.

Relationships play a huge part in our lives and may often be brought up in a coaching session.

Relationships are what make our world go around. Whether it’s our relationship with ourselves, others, or the planet, we are always communicating in some way.

All relationships are mirrors of our relationship with ourselves. People come into our lives for three reasons…

  1. To reflect something back to us that we admire or dislike about ourselves. When we come in contact with these people, we may feel a sense of familiarity. Pay close attention to these moments, as there is usually something of great value to learn here.
  2. To give us information that will support us on our path. This may be a stranger that you are standing next to in the bookstore as they suggest that you read a certain book.
  3. To support us on our life’s journey. People that come into our lives to support us also come in three different ways: a moment, a season, or a lifetime. People that come into our lives for a moment are usually the ones who will reflect something back to us about ourselves, or they have a bit of information or insight that they can share with us. People that come into our lives for a season may be supporting us by teaching us a lesson that will add to our growth. People that are in our lives for a lifetime, such as your spouses, your children, or your parents, maybe there to teach us the biggest lessons that we will learn in our lives. They are all perfectly supporting us somehow.

No matter who comes and goes in your life, all people are all there to support you in some way or another. Make sure to show your gratitude and appreciation for everyone, as this will reflect back more gratitude, appreciation, and support to you in your own life.

Good communication is important

Listening is a very important part of communication. Developing good listening skills is one of life’s most important gifts. Have you ever stopped to hear the birds chirping, the wind blowing, and the earth creating? This is just a small part of our communication with the planet. Then there are our pets; do we listen to them? There are many levels of communication, most of which don’t involve using our voice to speak. With people, most communication is based on body language. Body language speaks louder than words, just as the phrase says: actions speak louder than words.

Listening to someone does not mean to do what he or she says. It just means that you heard what they said and acknowledged them, even if you didn’t agree. There is a difference between listening with our ears and listening with our hearts. If we listen with our hearts, from our place of knowing, then we will hear what they are really trying to tell us.

Sometimes, in a tough conversation, people may not know what to say, have a hard time saying it, or just don’t say anything at all. This is where we become the listener and ask questions.

There are three places that we can come from when we are communicating with others, or making decisions.

  1. Head– From this place, we may be trying to rationalize situations, use intellect, process, analyze, and react. This is great for use in business.
  2. Heart– When we are in our hearts, we are connecting, expressing love, feeling compassion, sensitivity, and sympathy. Sometimes it can be difficult to make decisions from the heart when we are too sensitive or emotional. These feelings could get in the way so it is important to think from the heart when we are completely grounded. This is great for use with loved ones.
  3. Knowing– This feeling comes from the place just below or behind our navel, our center, our gut feeling, also called our place of “chi” or our life source. This is where we go when we are seeking answers from within. Here we can only experience the truth of all things, a knowledge of who we really are, why we are here, and how we can best serve all of humanity. From here we are able to respond to situations rather than react. It’s similar to the sense of being in the present.

Our knowing is also the place where goosebumps come from during certain situations or experiences. These are actually “Truth Bumps.” We can know, that when this happens, Spirit is present.

Exercise: Pause for a moment, count to five, take a couple of deep breaths and get centered. Then ask yourself, which one of these three places are your current thoughts and decisions coming from? By doing this exercise several times throughout your day, you may find that your thoughts and decisions will start to shift more into alignment with your wants and desires.

Clear Signs

Life is continuously providing us with messages and information. When we do not listen, then the messages become lessons. When we do not learn, the lessons become problems. When we do not address the problems, they become crises. When crises are left unresolved, they create chaos in our lives. Just imagine how life would be if we learn to live on the levels of messages and lessons.

Preparation: Have a pen and paper or your journal ready for this exercise.

One Minute Meditation: Take a moment to relax, take a few deep breaths and center yourself.

Begin the Session: Throughout your day, and as you encounter different people, even your family that you see every day, look for what each person may have to offer you, or what you may have to offer to them. If someone is asking you for some guidance, look at how it may be serving you to help them. Recognize what category they fall into.

Answer the questions below. Take a few minutes on each one and explain your insight and answers. There is an example question provided for each category…

Relationship with yourself, others, and the planet

What does having a positive relationship mean to you?

Are you happy with your relationship with yourself?

How do you see your relationship with the world?

What is your relationship like with people in general?

What is your relationship like with animals?

How is your relationship with the planet?

Communication

What does good communication look like to you?

Do you practice good communication?

Do you freeze up when something triggers you and you don’t say anything at all?

Do you speak clearly?

Are you very clear about your intentions when speaking?

Listening

Are you a good listener?

Do you acknowledge others when speaking to you?

Do you catch yourself thinking of something to say while someone else is speaking to you?

Do you interrupt or talk over people?

Focus the session: If you had to choose one thing to work on first, would it be your relationship with yourself, others, and the planet? Would it be developing better communication or would it be to become a better listener?

Create an action plan: What action are you willing to take? Write it down.

When using this exercise with your client: Ask your client what action they are willing to take to create better agreements in their lives. Write it down.

Close the Session: Thank your client. Acknowledge them for being so open and willing to look at these areas of their life with you. Use the 1-10 scale. Schedule a follow-up session.